Conviction
by aprille-hime
Summary: Kurapika's conviction was falling apart and his chains had disappeared. He was captured by Kuroro and in staying with the leader of the spider, he found out the reason of his predicament. KuroroxKurapika


DISCLAIMERS: HXH characters not mine.

PAIRING: Kuroro x Kurapika

SUMMARY: Kurapika's conviction was breaking down. Worse was his chains had disappeared. He was captured by Kuroro and in staying with the leader of the Spider, he found out the reason of his predicament.

WARNINGS: Shounen ai

**Chapter One**

**---Realization---**

He felt the heat surge through his body. With eyes still closed, he tried to move, first with his fingers, the numbness slowly fading away due to the heat. He felt the soft fabric beneath his fingers and clutched them tightly, patiently waiting for the weird, helpless feeling to go away. Satisfied, he freed the fabric from his grasp and raised his arm to shield his closed eyes from the bright white light.

…_Ugh, so bright.._

…_where am I?_

He commanded his eyelids to open, slowly and deliberately, and clenched his teeth because of the effort.

_Why do I feel so tired and wasted?_

Another voice spoke inside him, harshly and mocking,

'_Now, you finally realized it, you're a wasted fellow..'_

This inner voice had particularly chosen this moment to speak out. _Not now._ Not when he feels dead tired and shitty.

"Stop", he whispered slowly and scolded himself for not concentrating on the task at hand. But before he can even move a finger, he heard footsteps.. a pair of soft steps against the hard floor and he froze. The footsteps stopped right before his door and he heard the knob turned carefully, probably not to wake him up. Silence. Then a muffled cry.

"Kurapika, thank God you're awake!", exclaimed a female voice, soft but fervent.

_Senritsu.._

He felt her move closer to him and he put all his strength to open his aching eyes. When he finally did, he saw blurry images, contorted figures and lots of white light. _Concentrate hard, you can do it._ He moved his right arm away from his face and concentrated on one spot on his front, _or is it a figure?_ _Senritsu? _a big burly thing with twisted figure. His eyes stayed there for a while, adjusting to the figure and making out what it is. One more minute and his vision cleared up completely and saw that the large thing clouding his whole sight a moment ago was a large vase with fresh flowers sticking from its mouth.

"Ohh" and he turned his eyes to his left, to a short woman wearing a bright and knowing smile. Their eyes met and he saw that they were unusually bright and her lips trembled a bit, as if she's trying so hard not to cry. _Senritsu.._

"How are you feeling?" She said in a voice as soft and soothing as the morning breeze. But the slight falter when she spoke the words told him that what she's feeling right now is far from being soothed. He had almost asked her the very same question she had thrown at him.

"Better" He felt like hell and his head's still throbbing a bit from the previous night but he didn't want her or anyone to worry about him anymore. He's got to stop asking others for help. But then..

_Oh, shit.._

A soft chuckle escaped her lips, very unlikely of Senritsu. "You're lying" Her eyes sparkled but her voice was stern and reproving, just like that time. When Killua and Gon were forced to surrender to the Spiders because of his foolishness, because of his selfishness and wrong judgment. Chasing the leader like that.. The leader of the spider..

------------------------

" _I don't think that's a good idea, Kurapika." Leorio's face showed more than fury and concern. **Fear?** Kurapika turned his back on them and closed his eyes, refusing to answer._

"_Kurapika!"_

"_Leorio, calm down." Senritsu's eyes traveled from him to Leorio, eyes tearful and filled with fear. He can sense that all that's happened so far has finally getting through her and he felt guilty. He dragged her into this mess of him, and now, she looked very disturbed and more tired than any of them. He can't blame her. Hearing people's heartbeat all the time, feeling their anger and hatred._

_**I'm sorry..**_

_He took a deep breath, "Go and rest, Lerio, Senritsu. There's nothing to be worried about." His steps were heavy and determined. When his hands clasped the shiny handle of a black door, Leorio spoke again, this time with less strain in his voice._

"_Don't do anything stupid okay?"_

"_Hn" he replied._

"_What's that 'hn' suppose to mean!" Leorio was furious again._

_This time, Senritsu spoke, "Kurapika, PLEASE listen to Leorio." Her pleading voice hurt him. And THE VOICE spoke again inside his head, 'Bastard'. Turning the knob with hand as pale as a lifeless body, he spoke clearly,_

"_Don't worry, I won't." and pushed the door open, making a creaking sound and walked inside, towards his prey.._

_--------------------------_

Kurapika laughed and felt a slight pain in his chest. The laugh turned to a cough.

"Are you okay?" Senritsu was beside him in an instant.

"Nah, nothing to worry about." He cleared his throat and managed a smile. He continued, in case Senritsu bugs him again and forces him to tell her how bad he's feeling at the moment. He hates lying.

"Looks like you're alone, Senritsu, where are they?" He placed his elbow for support and pushed his upper body up, in a sitting position, his back resting on a stack of pillows. When he looked at Senritsu again, he noticed she's holding a white folded paper.

She followed her gaze, "Oh.. This is from Gon and Killua." Her tone was uncomfortably low and he felt his chest twinge again.

"Don't jump to any conclusion yet, I haven't read it but I know it's not something horrible. Their heartbeats were calm and worried when they gave this to me but I also heard a trace of anticipation somewhere, like they're embarking for a long journey." She handed Kurapika the letter and excused herself, telling him that she'll get some food for him.

Completely alone, the white paper in his trembling hand, he opened it and read.

**Kurapika,**

**It's good that you're finally awake, we thought something really bad has happened to you already.. You were sleeping for three days and still counting!**

(As if on cue, his stomach made a loud grumbling sound)

**Anyway, Killua and I will be gone for a while to Greed Island. I know we haven't explained the details to you before because of everything that has happened, not that I'm blaming you Kurapika. This Greed Island is a game made of Nen, and this is the only clue my father left me. We already gained access to one and we will be taking the risk and enter the game. Don't worry about us kurapika, everything will be fine.**

(A brisk and messy writing followed.. _Killua.._)

**Oi, kurapika, don't do anything stupid while we're away, understand. You're making Gon worry too much. If you try to chase the remaining members of the spider, I'll make sure that it's you, not the spider, I'm going to DISMEMBER!**

(He laughed at that, remembering that it's THEM who tried to chase 2 members of the spider and ended up as captives. The paragraph was ended in a chaotic manner, the ! extended longer than it's supposed to, and was followed by a neater handwriting)

**Sorry about that, Killua got me disabled for a minute or so and managed to snatch the pen from me. But Killua is kinda right except about the dismember thing, that Killua! Anyway, rest yourself Kurapika, you have been probably too tired to have slept for that long.**

(Killua again)

**Don't do anything foolish I repeat!**

(A series of jumbled letters and scrawny lines and circles)

(Gon's)

**We won't take too long. Take care of yourself Kurapika. Until then!**

**Gon and Killua** (Gon's handwriting as well)

He shook his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.. He felt relieved that the letter did not tell something about what he was dreading.

_I thought they were trying to pursue the remaining Spiders. _

He felt half relieved. But although one part of him was rejoicing because of the news he got, the remaining part remained queasy. Something kept nagging in his thoughts, 'don't do anything foolish'.

_I seemed to be getting a lot of that these days.. Oh well, not that I want COMPLIMENT or anything.. _

And before he can stop himself, his mind has already wandered to his "unwanted" memories..

----------------------

_The light from the rectangular lamp was the only source of light in the dark but spacious room and the shadows that were formed loomed menacingly over the two people sitting on opposite ends. Kurapika's eyes were cast downwards and his arms wrapped tightly on his knees, the chains in his hands making a chilling sound in the night air. When he felt eyes on him, boring on his head, his head snapped up, red eyes meeting black ones._

"_Why the hell are you looking!" His eyes glowed dangerously for the umpteenth time since he laid his eyes on the leader of the Spider, his chains shining under the moon that is visible for a moment in the window facing the taller figure. When his question was left hanging, a familiar feeling surged through him again.. _

_**Is it possible..**_

_**..Is it possible to hate this.. this... monster even more?**_

_He felt his eyes turned to a frightening shade of red and a series of flashbacks and images started to play stubbornly in his head.. blood.. dead bodies.. fire.. cries.. more blood.. He shivered and shrugged the feeling away.._

_**But with him this close to me.. **_

_**..How can I control myself?** _

"_I'll never take back my word" He said, eyes never wavering from Kurapika. _

_His emotions skyrocketed._

_**How dare he..** and clenched his fists._

_**..how dare he talk to me casually!** _

_He pierced him with a death glare and did not answer._

_**..after what he did..**_

_Without hesitation or waiting for an answer, the other man on the other edge of the room spoke again._

"_You really look like a girl."_

_That did it! He walked menacingly towards the far end of the room, eyes red and fist clenching and unclenching on his sides. When he was a meter away, he pulled the chains to him along with the leader of the spider and gave him a full smack on the face. _

"_Don't ever talk to me again!" _

_He spat every word and walked back to his place at the far end of the room, not looking back, his entire body trembling from the rage he felt. But before his back meet the comforting wall, the man spoke again, as if the bruise on his face and the red blood oozing from the left part of his lips were part of his pale face._

"_That--- is a compliment."_

_He said slowly but very clearly. Kurapika froze momentarily, eyes narrowing. And then, he felt a searing pain in his chest and he clutched on to it.. No. Somewhere deeper.. As quickly as it came, it was already gone. Breathing heavily, he steadied himself and placed both hands on the wall. He spared the man another look of pure venom before settling himself down on the floor. _

_**Just WHAT the hell happened?**_

_Confused, he touched his chest, looking for bumps or bruises that he might have touched accidentally._

_**None. But what was THAT? **_

_More confused than ever, he eyed the man across him suspiciously._

_**Did he? **Shaking his head to clear his mind, **No, he couldn't have done THAT. But then what? **He looked at his chains that covered most of his hands as if demanding an answer._

"Kurapika!"

"WHAT!" He blinked.

"Are you alright?" Kurapika blinked again, and saw Senritsu, her face full of worry and surprise.

"What are you whispering to yourself just now, Kurapika?" Senritsu asked, eyeing him with a little suspicion and a full blown concern.

"Huh?" He felt his face heat up and he looked away, mumbling "Nothing". Changing the topic, he asked "What do you have there Senritsu, and peered on the table just beside his bed. "I'm _so_ hungry I can eat _anything_."

-------------------------

A tall man wearing a black coat had his back on an old tree of mahogany that loomed over him, the shadows of its leaves were dancing under the bright rays of the sun. His left hand was hidden beside his head, lost in his dark, thick hair.

"Don't do anything unless I tell you." He said over the phone, his eyes, for a moment registered something akin to agitation. He nodded unconsciously and closed his eyes, brows furrowed together.

"I don't know how--" The rustling of the leaves swallowed his remaining words. The raging wind calmed for a while and the voice of the man was audible again.

"I'll find _him_." And the wind blew again. Hard.

---------------------------

The sun had risen up fully and the light on the room had shifted from white to burning yellow. Senritsu stood up to draw the curtains close but made sure to leave a small space where rays will still enter and warm the place.

"Where is Leorio?" Kurapika asked after munching a muffin and gulping a white liquid that suspiciously looked like milk.

"Argh.. Is this milk, Senritsu?" His face was scrunched into a frown.

Senritsu made her way to a small stool and just smiled. Kurapika continued to frown.

"Stop complaining and just drink it." She finally said when Kurapika refused to remove the frown turned to glare.

"Leorio went to his university to get the results of his medical exams." She said, eyeing his companion sternly but affectionately.

"If he knew that you'll wake now, he wouldn't have gone to get his results. You know Leorio.." Hey eyes shone brightly and her lips twitched ever so lightly, "..he cares a great deal about you." She finished with a dramatic pause, looking over at Kurapika knowingly.

Kurapika missed the hint. "Yeah, he's such a daddy sometimes."

Senritsu let it pass, _he's so dense_. "What are you planning to do now, Kurapika?"

Kurapika finished the remaining noodles of his pasta before answering.

"Find the eyes of my compatriots" He said. The sparkle his eyes had a moment ago was distinguished as he said that. He knew it. He finally understood the emotions and the thoughts running wildly at the back of his mind. He had _doubts_.

_No, this can't be._

_I have a mission and I've sacrificed everything for this._

_There's no turning back now._

His eyes were cast down, blonde bangs covering the bright green orbs. Yeah, he needed reassurance. He needed passion. He needed anything that will remind him of his mission, of his will. Because frighteningly, his conviction was breaking down, his hatred fading away like grains of sand on his palms, the more he tried to grasp them, the more they slip away. Senritsu was looking at him thoughtfully, her eyes full of comprehension. After all, she understood Kurapika's emotions even before he had recognized them.

_When did this happen?_

He willed his chains to appear, to remind him why it was there in the first place. He remembered his sensei asking him why he had chosen chains and he had answered that with it, he'll drag the spiders down to the pits of hell.

Nothing happened.

He concentrated hard and closed his eyes for effect and called his chains once again.

Nothing.

_What the hell?_

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Yay! One of the fics of 2006! Please kindly leave a review. It will be very much appreciated. Don't let HXH fandom to disappear!


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